Days like today when the boys are both bouncing off the walls and literally are not happy with anything for longer than, oh, 30 seconds before ending up intentionally hurting each other and being mean to each other and my morning of folding laundry and washing bathrooms and doing dishes and making food is longer than this sentence intermingled with extinguishing upset boys and drying tears (too many tears) and trying to figure out how to really get through to my 4 year old that he needs to always be nice to his 1 year old brother (can that actually happen? or will there are always be the moments of rudeness saved for siblings?), and I wish to send them both off to the other side of the planet so I can I have peace and quiet for even 100 seconds.
And I think "I Just Want To Get My Work Done!" Work = laundry, cleaning the bathrooms, vacuuming, preparing breakfast and lunch, etc....
And then I think, no, my work is my boys. Teaching them, raising them, training them, loving on them. That is my work. Those other things are just side notes. I mean, obviously the laundry needs to get done- it's not like we have endless closets filled with clothes. We need clean clothes. We need food to be prepared so we can eat. The bathrooms, well....
Anyway, I started wondering what my days would be like once they are both in school. And I get all choked up because I know once they are in school my days will be boring and too quiet and not alive! enough. I will miss these chaotic mornings ohsovery much.
I registered E for kindergarten last week, and it was so sad. Partly because I just don't want him to grow up already. Partly because I know once he starts school, that will be what his life is until he is literally a grown up and moving out into the "real world." And partly because I have this part of my heart that wants to keep him home and homeschool him, but that is not an option in our family.
My husband was homeschooled for a few years. I know some people love it.
He has vowed our children will never be homeschooled.
And I'm not worried about the actual school, because we live in a small town and everyone knows everyone, and it's a great school. And his teachers will always know me because I plan on being a regular volunteer in both of my children's classes very regularly.
So anyway, this whole school thing has me thinking about just how quickly his baby/ toddler years have come and gone, and now it's time to think about the next step. And it's so very sad to me to think he's going to start this last step he starts before moving out of our home. And even though it is still years away before THAT happens, it's also just on the other side of this starting school step.
And it makes me get a little choked up, because these tough mornings need to be cherished and remembered and held oh so close to my heart, because all too soon they will be gone. And if I spent time wishing them away.... Well, I'd never quite get that back.
I have one time here with my little boys at home. And chaos or not, this is it. And I choose to love it and be happy with it, even when there are those tough moments.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
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4 comments:
Oh boy, oh boy!!! I can't think about sending Anika to school without getting choked up!!! And I've got a year and a half to go :) I've had a change of heart the last week or so with the girls. It's been a long, hard winter...on us all. I have to choose to have a good day, choose to be patient and choose to love all the little moments with the girls...I cannot make that choice without God behind me. We've had so much fun this week together now!!! I'm so glad you are putting things in perspective...thanks for the post :)
Eloquent! Your first sentence that is! Veritable poetry!
I know that I have this desire to want to rush things… I think about how Holly and I have mere months to go before our lives are forever changed, yet how badly I want it to be June so that I can hold and kiss our baby, and experience fatherhood.
Being our first child, I have no idea what it’s like to look into the eyes of my own child, and to cherish this new life we are blessed with – and yet I so look forward to the days when we can talk with each other, and I can share the Word and teach and instruct and rebuke (not looking forward to that so much, but it’s necessary!)
And then to see what they will look like as they grow older, into the teenage years, and to walk with them through good times and bad, and to cry when they leave home, or get married and have children of their own. I so badly want to experience all of these things!
Yet I know how fast life whizzes by us, and so your words are a good thing to hear… to know to cherish the moments – no matter how hectic they are – and to love them to pieces every minute of every day.
Thank you for this post Larissa! It sure puts things into perspective. (Oh and thanks for making me cry....again! :))
thanks for another wonderful post larissa... i still think back to when you started kindergarten and how sick i was that year. to this day, all i think about that time was that i was not well enough to walk to the bus with you that very first day. and yes, it still makes me cry... you are so in touch with what is necessary and what is important - that makes me proud to be your mom, and content knowing that your boys are in the best of hands...
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