Larissa & The Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

Today is probably the worst day I've had in a long, long time.
I've lost my patience with my boys more times than I care to think about, and it's not even 11 yet. Talk about feeling humbled, getting upset at a child. Makes me feel even less worthy of being their mom. I have apologized for my bad attitude to both my boys and my husband a few too many times today. Already.
I miss my house. My home. I miss my 4 bedroom, 2300 square feet of space that I made into our home. I miss the pool in our backyard that my husband and I designed. I miss the entertainment center that my husband built in our living room for me. Exactly how I wanted it to be, with accent lights, shelves, all of it.
I miss the paint colours that I chose and had done the exact way I wanted it to be.
I miss having pictures of my family out on the walls and my few nice things that I like to have out and looking at that are currently boxed up and stored away.
I miss being by my friends. I miss one of my best friends, Keri, that just had a baby girl and I won't get to see for a long time.
I'm waiting for an extremely important phone call at some point today (I've been waiting for a week now, but was told I'd get it today) and I could probably pass out from how stressed out I am about this, but yet still have to take care of 2 little boys so I guess that's not an option. And my stress is rearing it's head in quite another, and quite ugly, way.
And I need to figure out how to be a pleasant person to be around even though this is hard.
And how to not do things that I need to apologize for 5 minutes later because my actions were ridiculous.
I just want to sit in my old living room for a few minutes, because I just love my old living room, so very much. And stare at our pool with the pretty little waterfall just outside our living room window. And have life be normal.
Not figuring out how to go from a 4 bedroom, 2300 square foot home to a 2 bedroom, 1000 (900 or 1100, can't quite remember) little townhouse. With no yard of our own. And when will that ever change.
I know I am beyond blessed. And I definitely don't want as big of a house as we had before (in fact I used to complain that our house was too big and had too much space. And I still agree, 2300 square feet is too much space. But a happy medium between this and that would be nice.) But you know, sometimes it's just a little sad to start over, 8 years of what we worked toward all lost and down the toilet.
And my attitude is miserable today, and I'm hoping the boys take a nice nap here soon, and everything can just start over and refresh for a happy afternoon.