Growing Up....

My precious little E,
You are growing up so fast, I honestly stand with my jaw dropped in wonder! Where have the last 4 1/2 years gone?!
I have some catching up to do with you, my son.
You see, in my mind, you are still a sweet clumsy little toddler toddling around and charming everyone you see, flirting madly with anyone who will look at you.
You know, doing the same things your almost 1 1/2 year old brother does right now.
But not so, that has been an entire 3 years ago!
And a few weeks ago, you had your first ever field trip at preschool. It was a very special day, and I got to go with you. We rode on a bus to the city and went to the children's museum. We played and played and played.

You are sweet because your favorite part was when I pretended to sell you train tickets at the pretend train station.
"Hello, sir. Where do you need tickets to today?"
"I'm going to New York City."
"Okay, that will be seventy dollars."
And I'd stamp the pretend ticket as 'paid' and you'd take it and go board the train.
We did this many times, because you giggled and laughed at our pretend play. And I just wanted to frame your sweet little voice and sweet little face trying to pretend to be a grown up in my mind forever. Because as fast as the last 4 years have gone by, I can only imagine that the next 4 years will go by just as fast.

My heart swells with joy and pride at being your Momma.
And on the school bus on the 40 minute ride home you were so tired. You kept almost falling asleep, but there was too much excitement going on around you. Even though some of your friends were falling asleep on the ride home, you had to keep yourself awake to hear what was going on. So you simply rested your head on my shoulder in an exhausted state and listened.
And I sat there, not wanting our bus ride to be over, because your tender little sweetness was cuddled up next to me keeping yourself awake but yet curled in a ball almost falling asleep on my shoulder.
And then last Wednesday you had a Kindergarten tea, where we got to meet your teacher, and see your new classroom, and meet your classmates. And it was almost too much to take, this independence you are gaining.
And 2 days ago you graduated preschool. And just like that, you are starting big kid school in 3 1/2 months.

I don't quite know how to handle this whole 'growing up' thing. I mean, you are my little boy, my little sweet heart.
My little tender hearted boy that is so concerned with how other people are doing. And bringing me blankets and water and the remote and the phone and whatever else you can think of when I'm sick to comfort me. Just like last time I had a little baby growing in me making me sick....
And you are just so sweet and loving and little, and I just want you to stay that way! But there's this thing, this 'you can't stop time' thing that gets in the way of that. And even now, you are going to be 5 at the end of summer, FIVE!! A whole handful!!
And I guess you are the first born, so it makes sense I don't know how to imagine having a 5 year old.
But most of all, regardless of your age, I am just going to enjoy you being you. And your sweetness that makes you who you are. And whether you're 4 1/2 or 24 1/2, you're my sweet little boy, my first ever little boy, and I love you so, so much.
Forever and ever,
Your Momma

About All Kinds Of Nothingness....

So this week has been interesting. Last night I went out for supper with some friends (against what everything inside me told myself to do, but I figured I had to try and still live). I tried to hold my nausea at bay, and it worked until just before the car ride home. I almost had to ask for the truck to be pulled over so I could throw up. Thankfully, I kept it away until I got home. At which point I opened the front door and started throwing up. Before I even got my shoes off. I made a mad dash up to the bathroom and spent the next, oh, 15 or 20 minutes in there reliving my dinner experience. (Sorry if that grosses you out.)

Sleep has been an issue, too, this week. A couple nights ago our 1 year old decided to wake up at midnight, after not falling asleep until 10pm. And, then he was basically up for the rest of the night, with a couple hours of sleep intermingled with being groggy, coughing like insane mad, and trying to get comfortable laying on his Daddy on the couch. The next night was a bit better. And finally last night he was only up once, just before we went to bed. So it didn't affect our sleep, finally.

I must add that even the most terrible night was not that bad for me. That's because I have an amazing husband who at the first realization that our baby would not be sleeping in his crib because he did not feel well, got him and took him upstairs, without expecting me to help out, or even waiting for me to ask him to help out.

Of course, our couch is right on top of our bed, and our place is not exactly what you'd call sound proof. So all the distress and fussing and coughing and everything... ya, we were all basically awake.

But there's no price to put on the beauty of not actually having to deal with it, you know?

And it made me realize that the sleepless night was as terrible as just about all of my days/ nights are lately. And to be quite honest, I am so totally sick of it I can't even say 'I'm sick of it' because that does not begin to describe how sick of it I really am.

Not because of our 1 year old baby, no. For the most part he sleeps great.

I'm sick from the other little baby, the one growing slowly but surely inside me. And I have an almost bad attitude about it. Because quite honestly, I didn't think I'd be this sick again. Day in and day out. Morning, day time, evening time, night time.... Living a useless existence where all I do is take up space and count the seconds until Ben gets home from work. Which is usually about 30,600 seconds after he leaves, give or take a few.

Don't get me wrong, I am sooooo excited to have a little baby again, as much of a surprise as it was at first.

I am so, so over being sick. And laying on the couch. And being overwhelmed from my 1 year old climbing onto the dining room table for the umpteenth time and having to work up the energy to go get him off, tell him 'no' yet again, and go back and lay down. Only to have this happen all over again.

It's like being sick and having a baby at the end have turned into 2 different things, not one thing where they are all part of the same beautiful thing. And I distinctly remember when I was pregnant with Ez thinking, for sure this is the last time I will be sick and useless for so long.

And I can hardly complain about being sick, because I know there are so many other women that would love to have the complaint of being sick because of being pregnant. I used to be one of them! We tried for a year to get pregnant with Ez, after losing a little angel, and I remember all too well hearing a friend of mine complain and go on and on about not being able to dye her hair, and I would have done just about anything to have that as a complaint right then. I understand that and don't mean it as a slap in the face. Honestly, I am just sick and tired and tired of being sick and tired.

But you know, it is what it is. And right now, it's just miserable going through day to day.

Most importantly, I have a sweet little baby growing inside me that I cannot wait to hold. I do sure hope that this whole sick thing goes away with my first trimester this time, though, in about 2 more weeks. That has never happened to me before (not being sick for just about all, if not all, of my pregnancy). And with 2 little people underfoot during the day, it sure would be nice to feel halfway normal and up to the challenge of being a Momma. (Oh, and I think my amazing husband would be ready for me to be feeling up to taking back my normal responsibilities here soon, too. I am so thankful that he helps out and does the dishes and even makes supper while watching the boys after he's been at work all day. I know my guy goes wayyy above and beyond, and I love him so, so, so, so much.)

Yes, this is a junked up mashed up post. It's matches exactly how I feel.... (If you actually read this whole thing, sorry for boring you halfway to death with all this nothingness!)

One Of The Cooler Things I've Seen In A While

From a big company, anyway.

You buy stuff from cadburry occasionally most likely anyway, so help them send 5000 bikes to Africa by entering your UPC code on their website: thebicyclefactory.ca

Their commercial (it's pretty cool):

Happy Momma's Day!!

Well, I may be a bit biased but I really think I have the best 3 guys in the whole world.
They let me sleep in this morning (although that is kinda hard when our bedroom is underneath the living room and Ez likes to run everywhere....) but a sweet gesture the boys in my life made anyway!!
And then, after cuddling my little guys for a bit, I walk into the kitchen and see this:

A delicious spread of crepes and fruit and berries and whipped cream and cream cheese and all kinds of yummy things.
I guess it's unofficially become an official tradition at our house to have crepes on Momma's Day, cuz that's what I always end up deciding is my favorite when Ben asks.

Happy Momma's Day!!!

We Have An Answer!!!

So, E had his specialist appointment today for his stomach issues, and I am just so relieved and glad to be done with this!
He is technically diagnosed with Cyclic Vomiting Syndrome.
Basically, that's a medical diagnosis to say that he throws up very violently, basically non stop for 4 hours, episodes can be weeks to months apart, and there's no known reason for it. And, he's otherwise perfectly healthy. This may also turn into migraine's as he gets older.
It just is what it is, and nothing else to worry about. Except, of course, when dealing with an episode, which we are kind of used to by now anyway, even though it's terrible to see him like that. Just nice to have an answer!!
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He did have more blood drawn to again try and get a better picture of the anemia and what exactly the low levels are coming from to see what needs to happen to fix it. (Other than diet, which his diet is great and iron full anyway!) But that in itself isn't a big deal and has a pretty easy fix.....

Once Upon A Time...

... there was a boy and a girl that met each other, fell madly in love with each other, and got married.
They were quite young, and wanted to have time to enjoy each other and grow together before growing their family, so they said they'd wait about 5 years to have a baby. They also really pictured themself being a 1 child family. They often dreamed about having one child and living life that way.
Well, they started itching to have their little baby about 3 1/2 years into their marriage. Especially the girl. It got to the point that she would tear up when she'd hear about other people having a baby, because she wanted that so bad, too.
And it seemed the timing was as right as it would ever be. So they went for it. And after the first month of not being on birth control, they had some pretty exciting news! (A bit sooner than anticipated!)
9 months later, 4 1/2 years after they got married, they had a beautiful little boy. And their family was complete. And they decided that, yes, 1 child was perfect. They felt good about that.
So good, in fact, that the girl got a pretty long term birth control put in effect. An IUD. And they wouldn't have to think about birth control again for 10 years. And that was fine, because they were done having babies. Their family was perfect and complete.
And then, one day, she realized that something was off... or the calendar was wrong? Or why did she feel so tired? Nauseous??
She bought a pregnancy test, knowing the result would be negative, because, hey! she had an IUD in place! But much to her surprise, she was pregnant!
It took a little while to get used to the idea, but then the 2 of them became ecstatic. Their baby was now 1 1/2 and they felt it was going to be fun having 2 little ones about 2 years apart. But now their family was definitely complete.
Very sadly, that precious little baby didn't tolerate the removal of the IUD and the girl miscarried.
This was devastating because they had been given this surprise, they got used to the idea, and had actually become ecstatic about it, picking out names already, rearranging their house in their minds to figure out which room the baby would get and where the little boy would go.
And then it was all gone and taken.
But now the boy and girl were determined to have a second child because they had gotten so excited about this new little arrival.
This time around, pregnancy didn't happen quite so easy as the other 2 times. The boy and the girl tried for a year to get pregnant. And this was a hard year, their little boy was getting older, and they felt they had gotten pregnant so easily the other 2 times, why was this not working this time. And the girl realized her emotions were probably not all in the right place and even physically her body probably wasn't all the way healed from the IUD and miscarriage.
After a year of trying to get pregnant, the girl was emotionally exhausted from it, and decided enough! They would just be a one child family. That was good enough before, it was good enough now. And they were blessed with their little boy, which is more than a lot of people can imagine anyway.
She told her husband she wanted to go back onto birth control because even though they were not 'trying' anymore (and hadn't been for a month now), it was still a roller coaster each month. So they agreed, they would go back on birth control.
The next morning, they found out they were pregnant.
Shouts for joy and leaps and bounds were made!
The long awaited for little one was on the way!
And the girl was so excited to be pregnant again and experience child birth again. And she cherished it, because she knew it would be the last time she would ever be pregnant.
And even though she was throwing up all the time, just like her first pregnancy, and even when she lost 15 pounds from all her throwing up, she still cherished it. Because it would be the last time a sweet little baby would make her body react this way.
And they had another sweet little boy, just like they both wanted. And now their family was perfectly complete. Finished growing. 100% done.
And when this sweet baby would wake up at night, she'd tell herself, "cherish this night time with your baby, because it will be the last baby to ever need you during the night."
The girl would talk about how they were totally done and never again having any more.
And the boy would say the same thing.
And together, they would laugh when they'd hear of friends getting pregnant by surprise, because they couldn't imagine that!
They also were waiting for the boy to get his health care so he could get snipped. (You see, he just moved to Canada from the US and had to wait to get his permanent resident status in order to get health care.)
Well, they got a letter saying when that would happen. And before they even actually had his green card, they made a doctor's appointment for him because they had already been waiting longer than they wanted to. So, the appointment was made. And soon enough, they'd have 'forever' birth control.
And then, the girl started feeling nauseous and tired again. And was the calendar off? Ya, it had to be. She thought she must have counted something wrong?
So, the boy went and got a pregnancy test for her at the store, laughing the whole way, knowing it was a waste of $20 because she wasn't actually pregnant. They had been very careful to not get pregnant because they were waiting for his doctor's appointment, and done having babies.
And the girl, too, thought it was all in her head. And she wasn't actually having any symptoms, she was just thinking she was having symptoms.
Until, that is, she peed on a stick.
And it told her, in plain pink and white, that she was pregnant. With #3.
SURPRISE!!!

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We're due sometime in the middle of December, and we're absolutely ecstatic about our little surprise!!